Lesson 1 of 7 · about 12 minutes

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Caregiving is a big change

Hi, I’m Ruth. I’m a psychologist, and I spend most of my working life teaching and writing about caregiving: what it asks of families, and how people keep going through it. If you’re here because someone you love needs more help than they used to, welcome. You don’t need to have it figured out. Come as you are. You’re not behind.

This first lesson is about naming what is happening. Many people slide into caregiving a little at a time. First you drive to a few appointments. Then you’re sorting the pill organizer, calling the pharmacy, checking in every evening, and taking time off work. One day you realize: “I’m a caregiver.” That moment can bring relief, worry, love, resentment, and tiredness all at once. All of those feelings make sense.

What counts as caregiving?

A family caregiver is anyone who helps a relative, partner, friend, or neighbor who has a health condition, disability, or age-related needs. You don’t have to live with them, and you don’t have to be paid. Caregiving can include:

  • Everyday tasks: shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, driving, managing bills.
  • Personal care: help with bathing, dressing, eating, or moving around safely.
  • Health tasks: keeping track of medicines, going to appointments, watching for changes, and sometimes doing medical or nursing-type tasks at home.
  • Coordination: phone calls, forms, insurance, talking with the care team, and keeping the rest of the family updated.
  • Emotional support: company, comfort, encouragement, and being the steady person in the room.

Some people do a little of this. Others do nearly all of it. Both are caregiving.

You are far from alone

In 2025, AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving released a large national study called Caregiving in the US 2025. Here is some of what it found:

  • About 63 million Americans are family caregivers. That’s roughly 1 in 4 adults.
  • That is about 45 percent more caregivers than a decade earlier, or nearly 20 million more people.
  • About 29 percent are in the “sandwich generation,” caring for children and for an adult at the same time.
  • More than 4 in 10 provide what the study calls high-intensity care.
  • About 30 percent have been caregiving for five years or more.
  • About 7 in 10 family caregivers are also employed.
  • Only about 22 percent said they had received training, even though many handle complex health tasks.

I share these numbers for one reason: if you feel stretched thin, it isn’t because you’re doing it wrong. Millions of people are carrying something heavy, often without much preparation. Learning as you go is the normal way this happens.

Caregiving can affect your own health and money

The same study found that nearly 1 in 5 caregivers report fair or poor health that they connect to caregiving. Money is a common strain too. About half reported a negative financial impact. About a third had stopped saving, and close to a quarter were in debt because of caregiving.

The National Institute on Aging (NIA) notes that caregivers can be at higher risk for physical and mental health problems. That isn’t a warning meant to scare you. It’s a reason to treat your own health as part of the care plan, not something extra you’ll get to “later.”

Common feelings early on

In my teaching, I hear the same feelings again and again from new caregivers. Maybe some of these sound familiar:

  • “I love them, and I’m also exhausted.”
  • “I feel guilty when I take a break, and guilty when I don’t.”
  • “I miss the way things used to be, for them and for me.”
  • “I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m scared of getting it wrong.”
  • “Why is it all falling on me?”

Mixed feelings don’t mean you love someone less. They mean you’re a human being in a hard spot. Later lessons look at guilt and grief more closely, including grief that can arrive before a loss.

What this course will cover

Here’s the path we’ll walk together:

  1. Caregiving is a big change (this lesson).
  2. Noticing when your tank is running low: signs of stress and strain, with a weekly check-in sheet.
  3. What actually helps: myths and facts about caregiver support, including what research shows.
  4. Building your care team: asking for specific help and finding respite.
  5. Talking and planning ahead as a family: family meetings and advance care planning.
  6. Include yourself in the plan: a reflection on boundaries, guilt, and grief.
  7. A caregiving story: a fictional example that pulls it together, including when to reach out for more support.

Try this now (about 3 minutes)

Grab a piece of paper or your notes app and jot down:

  1. Who are you caring for, and what’s changed for them recently?
  2. List every task you did for them in the past week, big or small. Include the phone calls and the worrying-at-2-a.m. time.
  3. Circle one task that drains you most. Put a star by one that feels meaningful.

Hang on to this list. We’ll use it when we talk about building a care team.

Sources

This lesson is general education, not care for your situation. Bring questions about your own health or your loved one’s care to your own clinician.

Education, not medical care. This was shared by a Verified Poéma Professional so you can learn. It’s their own professional view, not Poéma’s, and it isn’t guidance for your own situation. For questions about your health, talk with your own clinician. In an emergency, call 911.

Something here not seem right? Report a concern privately to the Poéma team.

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